The Hidden Dangers of Silent Goodbyes: Why Clear Farewells Build Trust in Children

In a recent social media video, early childhood education expert Monika Sobkowiak shed light on a common, yet problematic, approach parents sometimes take during kindergarten adaptation: the "silent goodbye." Sobkowiak recounted the story of a three-year-old boy named Bartek, who struggled with separation anxiety. His mother's strategy was to distract him with toys and then slip away unnoticed, hoping to avoid a tearful farewell. However, Sobkowiak argues that this method, while seemingly less confrontational for the parent, is deeply detrimental to the child's sense of security and trust. "The essence of adaptation is the child feeling safe and certain that the parent will return," she explained. When a child realizes their parent has vanished without warning, it can trigger intense panic and undermine their fundamental trust. Bartek, for instance, would fall into a profound hysteria upon discovering his mother's absence, making it incredibly difficult to calm him. Sobkowiak emphasized that the child's unexpected realization of the parent's disappearance completely shatters their sense of security. She stressed the importance of clear, consistent goodbyes, which build a child's confidence in their parent's return. This approach, though potentially more emotionally challenging in the moment, fosters a healthy adaptation process and a stronger sense of safety for the child.

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